Indemnified
means to secure against hurt, loss, or damage. And Fubar has an official legal document, prepared by an actual lawyer, to indemnify him against the consequences of wishing on a monkey' paw.
And, as promised, here is that official legal document:
DEED OF WISH AND INDEMNITY AGREEMENT
THIS AGREEMENT is made between FUBAR (hereinafter "Wisher") and THE FATE OF THE UNIVERSE (hereinafter "Fate"), regarding the instrument known as THE MONKEY'S PAW (hereinafter "the Instrument").
RECITALS
- Wisher acknowledges that the Instrument was enchanted by a fakir to teach that fate rules lives.
B. Wisher nevertheless wishes to invoke a wish.
C. Wisher desires to avoid the consequences historically associated with such wishes.
ARTICLE 1 – DEFINITIONS
1.1 "deceased" means SNAFU, restored in a state of full biological integrity, cognitive function, and emotional continuity as of the moment prior to his death.
1.2 "Consequences" means any and all of: mutilation, decomposition, haunting, psychological trauma, financial liability, metaphysical punishment or generally being annoyed.
ARTICLE 2 – THE WISH
Wisher hereby wishes: "That SNAFU shall return to life, whole, healthy, and as he was, and no harm shall come to family, friends, or readers of PESKY GREMLINS as a result."
ARTICLE 3 – LIMITATIONS & EXCLUSIONS
3.1 The Instrument shall not grant the wish in a manner that alters the body of SNAFU with the exception wherein body alterations could be construed as improvements.
3.2 The Instrument shall not impose any toll, payment, or equivalent loss upon Wisher, friends, or reappearing characters.
3.3 SNAFU's return shall not constitute a violation of natural law that triggers retaliatory supernatural action.
ARTICLE 4 – INDEMNIFICATION
Fate shall indemnify Wisher against all claims, damages, and existential harm arising from the wish.
ARTICLE 5 – GOVERNING LAW
This Agreement shall be governed by the laws of fate itself, and any dispute shall be resolved by the original fakir, acting as arbitrator.
ARTICLE 6 – SEVERABILITY
If any provision is found to be impossible to enforce by the Instrument, the remaining provisions shall remain in effect.
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, the parties have executed this Deed.
The paw, upon being squeezed, remains motionless.
SCHEDULE A – DEFINITION OF "WHOLE" (ATTACHMENT)
|
Body Part |
Condition |
|
Head |
Attached. Functional. Recognizable. |
|
Torso |
Intact. Not decomposing. |
|
Arms |
Two. Attached at shoulders. |
|
Legs |
Two. Attached at hips. |
|
Spine |
Aligned. Not "crawling posture." |
|
Face |
As original. Not "something else." |
|
Odor |
None. |
|
Temperature |
98.6°F. |
|
Respiration |
Present. |
|
Consciousness |
Present. |
|
Memory |
Continuous with life prior to death. |
4 thoughts on “Pesky Gremlins Comic 1048 – Indemnified”
David Hurley
They may want to think this over some more.
H Stacy
Yep. That might be a difficult contract to enforce.
Binky
I don’t know if I would trust that lawyer. But it is quite an agreement!
I’m glad no harm can come to “readers of PESKY GREMLINS,” though I do wonder if “body alterations (that) could be construed as improvements” could be misconstrued as “improvements” that Snafu might not think are beneficial.
H Stacy
Getting a good lawyer to handle a situation like this is tricky.
And, yes, the whole “improvement” clause is a bit vague and might be viewed as a legal loophole.